i hate this.

how do you get pass this patch of ugly tough detrimental part of life that u really hate.

when people that u want to care for u simply doesnt.
when everything just seems impossible.
when you can do nothing but sit and drag thru it.
when u wanna disappear but u still have 255256132 commitments like, ur job, money, cc bills (fuck), hp bills, allowances, bla bla.
when everything just simply and totally sucks.
when even u are young beautiful and smart doesnt help.
when u just wanna disappear for good (eg. die or leave the country)

when everything u wanna do, u just cant do.
im so tired of everything.

at this point of time

i think my life really sucks.
my work sucks (thats 1/2 of my life daily)
my rship sucks
my finances sucks
my health kinda sucks (assume im falling sick pretty soon)

i think all that is kinda sucking me up. how great.
so i am sucked to feel suck. how confusing just the way it is.
just what did i do wrong to screw it all up?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

answers

answers answers answers.......
can someone tell me where are they? or can someone tell me what they are?

i desperately feel that i need a retreat. to somewhere like maldives, where there's only the sea sky and pool. and there's myself to face myself, my own reflection. there will be only me, ugly me inside-out.

disappear and be on my own.

i should come back with a clearer mind, starting afresh.
let me breathe the fresh air and cleanse my soul.

perhaps i should apologise for saying all that hurtful things in that other space. those confused thoughts which has got the better of me but am glad that i have now learnt what/who is right for me.

but i guess theres a price to pay for all the play that you have done, and i guess i must be paying mine now. i can blame no one but myself as i kinda brought this along.

hate it. hate it. as much as you regret as wish to turn back time, i know its impossible. right now the question is, how do we take it on from here?

is there still a chance?
(i'll probably have a hard time convincing B, and maybe in the end, he might not even be convinced at all) i guess i should take some time alone to think abt these.

it will be a good time to blog.
or rather, a good time to keep intouch with blogging. maybe i could be more frequent here now.

10.17am, its raining now and i got super no mood to work.
its a long day and long battle with the zzz monsters. come 6.01pm pls come to me soon.

feel so empty, every night i come home to a house with an empty heart. with nothing to look fwd to, without a balance of happiness. ive lost my balance, i dunno where it went.

every week, days goes on, it goes on but carries nothing, i just dont feel happy and at ease. things are just different.
where is that balance?
what have i done wrong?

the story behind the scenes

behind every successful men, lies a self sacrificial woman. im beginning to understand that...