and before i forget all these precious feelings, i better blog them down.
i am an emotional person, but most of the times i find myself not able to put the exact of my feelings into words. i have a difficulty somehow. im bad at face to face communication and am better at writing things down, because writing allows u to think of what words to use and most probably also cause writing doesnt decreases my pride like how it will if i would to face someone as i say all these.
maybe me and B had the same problem with talking thats why our rship ended up with a lack of communication problem at the end.
anyways, today i went out. it was Saturday yet again and i had to dig programmes for myself, so i went, and i met new people. and after meeting new people, passing through the day. i just realised some things;
meeting a good guy isnt impossible, but meeting a good guy with the same habits/liking/class/fit as you is rather hard. even harder to meet a good guy with the above same qualities plus being able to be your 知己. there u go, this might be one of the most impossible task/wish you could ever wish for.
perhaps im being difficult here. i bet many others beg to differ that class/habits doesnt matter, but to me, it does. maybe because im a person who finds it very hard to adapt to someone. im not receptive towards the idea and i take a long time to adapt to a new person (my friends call me a slow cooker), and most of the time if i find that the person doesnt fall under my "qualified category" i most likely will show no interest in the person at all, or worse still get quite disgusted (this happens most of the time).
bad stereotyping i know. but years after years, i find myself still being like this and actually i dont think i will quite change it.
many might not understand me being this way, but to me, i feel that "the feel" you get from a person u first meet plays an important part for me being receptive to "making this new friend". feel is impt. - i guess this is what they all meant by, first impression counts much!
so well, today i went out with a few of my friends and we went to JB. a familiar familiar place, entered by tuas and once i was in there, memories just flooded me. that so familiar plc that i used to patron with B. and so, B occupied my mind the whole night.
to start off on a worse note, my friends brought along this friend and he was driving this car which omg i couldnt stand at all. sorry for being rude and anal but i think i need to complain!
the hygiene of the car was in such a bad state; messy, smelly, dusty, GROSS! totally disgusting. turned off ttm. and i cant believe i had to sit in that car for so many hours. yucks its still giving me goosebumps as i recall now. it just says so much of a person!
turnoff factor number 1 for a guy: gross disgusting unhygienic car/self/dressing/personal hygiene
so carried on with the journey, and we were parking to eat at this roadside stall. this friend could actually pack the car on a patch of wet grass! and the grass are those tall kinds which will definitely wet not only our shoes but even up till our legs! and despite me making abit of noise hoping that he can let us down before parking, this friend could actually still go ahead and park and expect us ladies to get down on that patch of wet grass!!! GRR huff and pufff!!!
turnoff factor number 2 for a guy: ungentlemanly act and never consider the convenience of ladies
then i found out that he actually asked my friend if i had a bf!!??!! why is this person checking a girl out that he randomly met on an outing?! this is so.... low class. like so despo or what? meet new girls only must check if they are available and potential anot. low class!
turnoff factor number 3 for a guy: checking a girl's status out on an outing where u randomly met
this pretty much churned my intestines upside down. and this guy totally failed on my list of first impressions of a gentleman in general.
so for the rest of the night, there wasnt really anything else worth mentioning cuz i totally switched off to this new person and felt nothing but just quite an amt of disgust.
and so main point, i went ktv and ktv u know have nothing but sad emo heartbroken chinese songs which are damn good are pricking your already injured bleeding heart. so i sang, and sang and as i sang the words just slashed me like a blade. but it also made me think of B.
that is when i started comparing and derived of the above list.
and u know it if you find that u keep comparing new people with ur ex. and after comparing, u still find ur ex is better and i guess that tells u some things. not sure abt u guys but it did for me.
i really liked it that B is actually as anal as me on tidiness and cleanliness! sometimes i even think he is more anal than me. which is good! cuz i dont have to worry abt sitting and being in a dirty environment bcuz he will make sure its cleaned. - worry-free! being clean makes me happy.
and i am very sure B will not park his car on a patch of wet grass for me to get down!!! and if i were to voice out, i am 100% sure he will never make me get down on THAT grass! - anal as i am, at least when i voice my point i know my man takes it.
so, i went on thinking abt other things like chemistry, connection and the unspoken compatibility (triple Cs if u realized) which is a kind of science u cant ask for or make happen, it is there only if its there.
then, lost in my thoughts i just stared quietly at the dark familiar highway oblivious to my surroundings and kept thinking and missing B.
and with these, i end my Saturday on a sad note once again.
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