Dear B,

I really dunno what to feel after talking to u. I dunno what am I supposed to be feeling. I'm very sure it isn't positive. But yet I can't make out the exact feeling I'm having.

I felt so stupid many times while talking to u jus now. I guess I'm always bad at speech face to face. And you're right, perhaps I shld have jus talk over the phone or I shld jus have dropped you msgs. Perhaps u always make me forget what I'm supposed to say or perhaps I just felt so stupid in the middle of the conversation i felt like there was no point carrying on the truck load of things that ive alrd prepared to say.

you were so logical. u are always so logical that i always find myself hard to argue with u, truth is, there is no grounds for me to argue. i could say you are selfish and that i blame you for all my pain and sufferings now, but at the end of it, i will still be feeling the same pain and sufferings and u are still you. no change. and nothing will change.

i guess that is when it dawn really hard and painfully on me that nothings gonna change. and the more i carry on, the more i just feel how different u have change to be. and it strips my heart apart, piece by piece.

at the end of the talk, all i wanted to say is "can u pls dont go, can u just stay with me and tell me things will be ok" but no, i have no choice, i could only swallow down these words which nv made it our of my throat and watch you drive away, reminding me once again, how u are out of my life.

and here i am, another night after many other similar nights, typing profusely and hurting as i type on each word. and then, the next day comes and this cycle carries on again...